Cleaning House

I read somewhere, that cleaning your house and your relationship really go hand in hand. I have thought about that a lot. Makes total sense. Yet for y e a r s, I totally missed it. It was like the two never intersected. It was like I could not see how they connected at all. I have been cleaning away for years. Popping on those rubber gloves, and scrubbing away. Pushing a vacuum cleaner all over the place, like an extension of my arm. Dusting to a brilliant shine. My house and everything in it and around it was in total order. Well not all the people inside. That was something I could never "clean." I could never get it (him) in order. And I tried and tried and tried. Maybe it just made me clean and get rid of clutter more, it is hard to remember these days..

But now I don't have a relationship to clean. It is g o n e. While I am not happy about it, as far as it not working out..I am happy that I don't try and try and try and try to make it sparkle, I no longer have to. I have all this perspective now that I did not even know about a couple of years ago, let alone 5 or 10 years ago..it was not possible for me to see.

So I guess my point is, while you are cleaning away, really notice how the main relationship is going, for me, my age, that meaning marriage. Are you spinning your wheels? You may never be able to achieve what you need in order to feel grounded. Pay attention. I spent a lot of years not doing just that.