I cannot believe it has been almost 4 months since I wrote this blog. My life stopped 4 months ago. While divorce is not really the focus of this blog, that is what stopped it. Just like that, I had nothing to say. Decorating and cleaning and making a home beautiful were so far from my reality that I could not even find them, let alone the words. Like the poem from Four Weddings and a Funeral, by Auden,
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
My clock stopped. There was no day or night, there was no time, I could barely breathe. And it seemed silly to even think about fireplaces, or organizing, or the Magic Eraser, beyond silly, it seemed to be cruel to my heart that these things even had importance.
And so I stopped. At least for awhile. But as he moved out and I waited awhile to put the house back together, and slowly I had to, and had to buy some things, and I could not hold back the happiness I find in putting a home together and keeping it cleaned and organized, in many ways this is my soul's work, it saves me.
I am sure there are not many followers, are there any? I don't know...but I plan to be back now. I love home and garden and my home life is like my own little spirtual sanctuary, my temple, and being with it keeps me on my path.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
My clock stopped. There was no day or night, there was no time, I could barely breathe. And it seemed silly to even think about fireplaces, or organizing, or the Magic Eraser, beyond silly, it seemed to be cruel to my heart that these things even had importance.
And so I stopped. At least for awhile. But as he moved out and I waited awhile to put the house back together, and slowly I had to, and had to buy some things, and I could not hold back the happiness I find in putting a home together and keeping it cleaned and organized, in many ways this is my soul's work, it saves me.
I am sure there are not many followers, are there any? I don't know...but I plan to be back now. I love home and garden and my home life is like my own little spirtual sanctuary, my temple, and being with it keeps me on my path.
2 comments:
Danna
i am in eastern WA (the desert where it is so NOT raining today but where i would LOVE to have rain!!!) reading your blog this a.m. I have just written a tome and LO AND BEHOLD they 'could not process' my answer 4 some reason. So this is take 2.
i hear you! my heart breaks for you! i read thru a lot of your posts. i found you looking for decluttering sites. been on a blogging marathon since last week when i stumbled upon "Chez Larsson" (to there!!) and was totally inspired by her WHITE, uncluttered, YET HOMEY home. She is in sweden. awesome blog.
But, dear danna. what i want most to impart to you is... get ready but don't discount me:
JESUS LOVES YOU! really and truly. i cannot imagine weathering your storm w/o Him. cling to Him. HE (alone) will never leave you or forsake you.
long time back you mentioned your friend diane (sorry for your loss) and she was a praying woman. Seriously, girlfriend, He IS Who He says He IS!!!
find a close, Bible believing, Bible centered, Bible preaching church. go there, take your girls. as my old pastor said, "come in and let us love you." Immerse yourself in that local 'body.' of course, people will always fail you and you can't put YOUR FAITH in people... they are real. but you will find the gems of humans touched and changed by the Savior who will touch your life.
you don't need to be alone.
that and find the book by dr laura Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. it's been enlightening to me and might for you.
my dad told me once, when i was feeling lost and alone living in seattle or portland (can't remember now) to just go hang out at the Bible book store. wow! i did. it was warm, inspirational and could lift me outta my SELF.
not saying you hafta get outta your funk or anything. honestly, really, i just wanted to say hey.. sorta give you a lifeline. i don't know what your non-blog-world REALLY consists of but you SOUND like you needed a friend. i am so sorry for all you're going thru. i pray you find peace. not that the road will be easy, but seriously, danna, God says, come to Me, you who are weak and heavy-ladened (does this sound like you?) and I WILL GIVE YOU REST. He says, HE will carry your burden, just lay it down at HIS feet! (read the footprints poem)
love you in the Lord, Danna!! i will pray for you, sight unseen!
kt
ps apparently i cannot leave a comment unless i log on to my blog
well, i have not blogged there for years...it was a training-for-a-marathon blog and i've had injury after injury since then and had to QUIT. ugh. so if you're led to that, that's my story.=(
thank you for writing and your kind thoughts, so nice of you :)
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